Happy Taboo Friends: Music to Invade Poland to
by deadliving
Summary: The Happy Taboo Friends start a band.Need I say more?
1. Canadian Leather

**After PheonixReece requested more, and Methereaper's story,**

**I present the 2nd installment of Happy Taboo Friends.**

**Some more Controversy and Taboo;**

**Homosexuality, Cannibalism, Intersexuality, Globalization, Sadomasichism, G****enocide, Pedophilia, and Child Abuse.**

**Mutter;**

Cuddles comes out of a liquor store, hobbling around, intoxicated. Flippy comes from nowhere. He seemed dirty and ragged. "Dude, could ya' share some of the love? Flaky got me restrained, and I need some love!" Cuddles looks at the bottle of beer, then back at Flippy.

He strikes Flippy over the head, knocking him out cold. "Fucking child abuser."

"Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cudddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddelllllllllllllles!" Toothy screams. Cuddles glares at him. "You want to start a band?" Cuddles' eyes swell with anxiety.

"Did you say..." he chirps softly, quivering. Toothy nods.

"The community center is hosting a group for a fundraiser. We can play!" Toothy says. "We just need to assemble a band, though..."

"I'm taking guitar lessons, and you have a bass in your basement." Cuddles yelps extatically. Toothy suddenly stops, and glares daggers at Cuddles.

"Is that just a species stereotype, or you've checked?"

"Eh, your a beaver. You have a bass in your basement." Cuddles says, ignoring Toothy. Toothy furrows his brow and storms off. Nutty walks by, marching to an odd tune.

"Links zwo, links zwo, links zwo drei veir, links zwo, links zwo, links zwo...Oh, hi Cuddles! You got the money for the handjob?" Nutty asks. Cuddles' glances around.

"Do you accept body parts?" Cuddles asks. Nutty stares at him.

"Well, where is it?" Nutty demands. "I need money to keep my obscene obsession with candy and sex satisfied! I loose either candy or Petunia, neither is an option!" Nutty growls.

"How much money do you think you'd get as a drummer in a band?" Cuddles asks. Nutty dances up and down. Handy overhears them and walks up to Cuddles.

"I'll be on the keyboards and electronic crap." Handy says, eager as, well, a beaver! Cuddles stares worriedly at Handy's nubs. But approves.

"Your hired, meet me in the atrium at 9 'o clock." Cuddles adds. Handy flashes him a goodbye smile.

LATER

With everyone set up, Cuddles signals for the ready.

"Uno dos tres!

...Wenn die turmuhr zweimal schlaeght!!!"

"Halleluja!"

"Nimmt er den Junge' ins gebet!"

"Halleluja!"

"Er ist der wahre Christ!"

"Halleluja!"

"Und weiss was Naechstenleibe ist!"

"Dreh dich Langsam um. Dreh dich UM!"

Toothy jumps up and down. "Are we good?"

"No we Fuck." Cuddles sulks.

"Where the hell are those body parts?" Nutty asks.

"I thought he did pretty good." Handy snaps.

"Our gig is in 15 minutes, what do we do?" Toothy asks.

Handy rolls his eyes "Maybe we can sing an original song. In ENGLISH!"

"Do you know how stupid original songs are!? Even dudes like Lemon Demon use other songs! Kanye doesn't even have any fucking music, its all synthesised!" Cuddles yells.

"AAAHHHHH!!!" Handy screams. Everyone turns to face him. Nutty had pulled a wire from the bass, and was using it to slice Handy's tail. Handy ran screaming into the bathroom, while Nutty plops himself on a stool, gnawing on it. Cuddles slaps his face, and falls face first on the ground.

"We're Fucked."

**Not exactly the best but It'll be better.**

**Review!**


	2. Sex Tourism

**Thank you for the reviews!**

**The song the band sung was "Halleluja" by Rammstein. I don't own any of the lyrics**

**Nor do I own HTF. Mondo Media does**

**Controversy and Taboo;**** Homosexuality, Cannibalism, Intersexuality, Globalization, Sadomasochism, Genocide, Pedophilia, and Child Abuse.**

Flippy knocks on the door of Cuddles' house. Cuddles answers, on the verge of tears. "What now, molester?"

"I demand payment for my injuries, Cuddles! No buts 'bout it! Give me at least a loan!" He growled. Cuddles thinks for a second.

"You do know that the band manager gets the most money, right!" Cuddles asks. Flippy thinks for a second.

"25%, no slacking!" Flippy mumbles.

"Will you help us, we need a drummer, and…"

"Say no more." Flippy whispers quietly, placing his finger on Cuddles' lip.

LATER…

The community center fills with people. Flaky, Shifty, Lifty, and Pop plant themselves in the front row, waiting to see the band, Homeotic Fry. The smoke clears, and the band appears. Nutty stomps up on stage, covered in blood simulant. He glances over the audience, with black contacts blurring his vision. He pulls the microphone to his mouth and begins.

**"You see,**

**I love,**

**We came from up above.**

**Zu größe,**

**Zu kleine,**

**Blitzkreig ins dein Haut**

**Stick dein bratwurst ins mein Saurkraut.**

**Das ist geschlecht kein!**

**Geschlecht Kein!**

**I need a partner,**

**To dance in space.**

**It doesn't matter,**

**Language or Race.**

**It takes two to dance!**

**But, oh, can't you see,**

**I can't get laid in Germany!**

**I want,**

**I'll go,**

**over the border to Me'ico!**

**Se, más,**

**No, meños,**

**Me llamo Tigre**

**y tú llamo Puta!**

**Te quiero no Corazon,**

**Abran tú límon!**

**I need a partner, to dan****ce in space.**

**It doesn't matter,**

**Language or Race.**

**It takes two to dance!**

**But alas, I'm full of woe,**

**I can't get laid in Mexico!**

**I want,**

**I get,**

**on the wings of First Aid.**

**One must give charity.**

**On the back of the Lion,**

**Into the lustful slums.**

**The child in the pits,**

**give me now,**

**a your love!**

**It takes a partner, to dance in space**

**It doesn't matter,**

**Language or Race!**

**It takes two to dance!**

**Pedophilia on Cinema,**

**I can't love in South Africa!**

**Oh, Take me now,**

**Oh I can't wait!**

**Sex is now, next we date!**

**It takes a partner, **

**to dance in space.**

**It doesn't matter,**

**Language or Race,**

**It takes two to dance,**

**So unzip your pants!**

The audience stands silent as the music dies down. Shifty and Lifty clap wildly, Flaky sits stumped, and Pop jumps up. "You perverts should stop singing this vulgar language at once!" Nutty throws the microphone into the audience. It impales Pop through the heart, Cub through the face, and Lumpy in the eye.

"We ain't Spinal tap, come listen to our music every weekday, 9-5!" Nutty yells. He leaps off stage, and heads up to the soundboard."Did you broadcast it to the world?" Flippy takes off his ear muffs and smiles.

"How do you say 'Fuck yeah!' in Polish?!"

**This concludes another chapter of HTF.**

**Yes you can use the lyrics.**

**It's mostly made up, based on stories of sex tourism.**

**Review!**

**Leibe ist fur alle da! **

"Yeah


	3. AIDs in the mail

**Thank you for the reviews!**

**Now for chapter 3, Spousal abuse Stinks!**

**I don't own HTF. Mondo Media does**

**Controversy and Taboo;**** Homosexuality, Cannibalism, Intersexuality, Globalization, Sadomasochism, Genocide, Pedophilia, and Child Abuse.**

Nutty sits on stage, thinking to himself. "Ich hab' kein lust. Ich hab' kein lust. Ich hab' kein lust mit anzufasen. Ich-" Lumpy bursts through the door, as a postal worker.

"Mail for a mr. Homoerotic Fly!" Lumpy cheers.

"It's homeotic, not homoerotic." Nutty specifies.

"Well it is to me!" Lumpy laughs as he walks back out the building. Nutty glances at him then at the mail. He quickly tears it open and reads some og the letters;

'We love Homeotic Fry!' He smiled, and laid it down next to him.

'This is a letter from Happy Tree School District. You are in direct violation o-' Nutty didn't bother reading it further.

A few letters were really sincere, but the one that caught his eye was a poorly written one. It smelled like rotten eggs, bleach, and rotting flesh, but it read;

'Homeotic Fry, I have very little time to be free, so can you come to Grimmsville, for me. I have very little time to live. Could you please come play at my school. I do have drug money if you're wondering how I'm paying you.'

A tear crept from his eyes, and his frown widened. He was going to Grimmsville. No matter what.

He climbed up into the clubhouse, where the members of the band were. In the clubhouse, Toothy was the only one fully concious. He smiles to himself "Jack-off time!" He whispers. He quickly unzips his pants, and wraps his hands around his cock. Nutty interrupts, opening the door quickly.

"Hey g-" Nutty, who was smiling when he came in, turned his grin into a frown. He slowly exits the clubhouse, door following behind. Handy wakes up first, glaring at the suprise awaiting him on Toothy's lap.

"I'll just close my eyes and pretend this never happened, Ok?" Handy says stupified. Toothy quickly pulls up his pants, blushing from embarassment.

"Yeah, let's..." he squeaks.

"Are you decent, Bucktooth?" Nutty yells up to him. Toothy sighs.

"Yes. 'Ya gonna make a song about it?" Nutty's ears stand erect. He burst through the door, grabs Toothy's face and kisses him.

"Thank you Toothy! Thank you!" He yells ecstatically. Toothy's cheeks become blood red, and he lets out a small giggle. "Oh, yeah, tell the others we're going to Grimmsville!" He says. Nutty gently lets go of Toothy and walks out of the clubhouse again. Toothy violently shakes Handy awake.

"Nutty kissed me, dude! On the lips!" He yells. Handy, only then waking up, falls over, unconcious from shock.

Later, on the bus, Nutty slowly awakens, blanketed by crumpled up paper. He glances around, and everyone staring at him. "What is it!?" he groans. Flippy exhales.

"Nutty, we're in Grimmsville. Right now. Without an original song. We might have to cancel the concert." He sighs softly. Nutty glares at him with wide eyes.

"The show must go on!" He cackles triumphantly. Cuddles and Toothy look at each other, then at Nutty. Cuddles leans over to Toothy's ear.

"The rabies have caught up with him."

LATER.

Nutty walks on stage, with a surgical mask covering his nose and face. He had swimming goggles over his eyes, and a caveman costume on. The audience had many deformed people in it, and from what he could tell, they all seemed anxious for the band. Nutty grabs the microphone from the stand. "Hello all! Being here's a gas!" he jokes.

A navy-blue squirrel yells at him. "We heard that shit from the health department!"

Nutty raises his hand to silence the audience. "Flippy, give our fan a present." A grenade lands in the squirrel's hands.

"You cumwad-" the grenade goes off, blowing him to pieces. The rest of the crowd stare at him.

"Now, enjoy our song! And for one special Grimmsvillian, we'll give them a spcial prize!" He yells. The audience cheers, and Nutty smiles.

He reaches onto his back, and pulls out a flame-thrower. "Look kids, real napalm!" he yells. In a flash of light, the other band members appear. Handy had a leather hat on, with angel wing emerging from his side. Toothy had a cowboy hat, with a snorkel and wet suit. Cuddles walks on stage, dressed as a cosmonaut, with a zoot suit over top of it. He closes the visor, and gives Nutty a thumbs up. He pulls the trigger engulfing Cuddles in fire. Nutty sets the flamethrower aside and runs to the drums. Cuddles, with flames still ablaze on his suit, signals the band to start. He picks up his guitar and starts playing. After a few moments he begins.

"**The Japs surrendered!**" goes a voice from the speakers.

"Above the cityscape,

a Thunderbolt, with deadly speed,

Irradiation, no escape,

'Cause of an 'merican creed.

_What a loss, such a shame._

_But we must play the death game!_

_We'll try to run, you'll try to pray,_

_ but we're treated one in the same!"_

The instruments stop, and a heavy german voice booms "**Rammstein, und die Sonne schient!"**

"A heart breaks o'er Duetschland,

Three Ponies crash in the kid-filled crowd.

Blood has leaked into the oily sand,

the explosion still rings loud.

_ What a loss, such a shame. _

_But we must play the death game!_

_We'll try to run, you'll try to pray,_

_ but we're treated one in the same!"_

As Cuddles begins the guitar solo, Handy is lifted up, above the band, and flies over the audience. Nutty leaps into the audience, wielding the flame thrower. Cackling maniacly, as the flames lightly lap at Handy's feet. On que, Handy's Angel wings burst into flames, and he swoops down on the audience. Both Handy and Nutty quickly procede back to their seat as the final stansa begins.

Nutty screams into the audience, "**The South Tower fell! It fell to the ground!**"

"The metal birds in the wind,

destroy the towers nice and large.

Pentagons and Farms as well.

The heavens descend upon the streets 'cause o' those who sinned!

The World's plunged in a depressed hell!

_What a loss, such a shame._

_But we must play the death game!_

_We'll try to run, you'll try to pray,_

_ but all is lost, so just seize the day!_

_What a loss, such a shame._

_But we must play the dying game!_

_We'll try to run, you'll try to pray,_

_ We're all fucked anywaaaaaaay!!!_

The Audience screams, ecstatic and energetic. Cuddles exhales. Nutty drops down from his stand, stealing the microphone from Cuddles. "Be honest, who sent us the letter?" The entire crowd raises their hand. "Who wants to fuck me?" Some of the hands drop, but thousands still remain. "Who wants to fuck Toothy?" Everyone's hand drops, except for a pink racoon.

"Me,me, me!" an orange racoon slaps him.

"Shut up , Simon, your embarassing me!" the Racoon yells.

Nutty scans the crowd looking for any hands. None. "Who is going to get AIDS in the next three years because of their parents." A youthful, delicate skunk raises her hand. He points at her "You there, come on stage!" She quickly makes her way through the crowd and onto the stage. He wraps his arm around her shoulder. "What's your name?"

"Elyssa." she mutters.

"Elyssa! Thank you for writing us, we had a great time here! Good night, Grimmsville!" He hollers. The band walks off stage. Suddenly, It begins raining. The audience looks around. There were no exits, and Grimmsville's hazardous chemical filled atmosphere made every drop of rain acidic.

Homeotic Fry and Elyssa walk out to the bus. She speaks up over the cries of the dying audience. "How much was that preformance?" she says, pulling out a bag of money.

Nutty places his finger on his mouth. "How old are you?"

"Er, uh, 15." she mutters timidly.

Handy shrugs, "Eh, close enough." catching on to what Nutty was insinuating. Elyssa looks at the band members.

Flippy, Cuddles, Handy, and Nutty sychronously scream, "GANGBANG!" The grab Elyssa, and hurtle into the bus. Toothy sighs, pulling out a swimsuit magazine. "Looks like it's you and me tonight."

**Atleast for me, it was long and ranty.**

**Elyssa might be a signifigant character, I'm working it over, but expect it.**

**Oh well, review.**


	4. The Cold Night

**It is decided. Elyssa is a significant character.**

**Toothy snaps when Nutty decides to keep Elyssa, as a 'FWB' doll.**

**Controversy and Taboo;**** Homosexuality, Cannibalism, Intersexuality, Globalization, Sadomasochism, Genocide, Pedophilia, and Child Abuse.**

Toothy wakes up, naked on the toilet. His swimsuit magazine covered his groin, and goldfish cracker crumbs were peppered on his chest. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "What an awkward dream! Pedophiles, Child abuse, and gangbangs..." A feminine voice breaks his sentence.

"How long are you going to be? I have to clean out my p-"

"FUCK! THAT WASN'T A DREAM!" he shrieks. He pulls up his pants, blushing. He swipes the crumbs off his chest, and opens the door. "Wait, your here, but was the pedo real?" Nutty prances down the hallway, and stops to kiss Elyssa on the forehead. He leaps into the kitchen, chanting softly; Ich bin in dich verleibt!

Elyssa shrugs and blushes. "May I go to the bathroom now?" Toothy walks out into the kitchen, where the band was conversing about last night.

"Elyssa would make me a pedophile any day, even if I got jailed!" Flippy joked.

"She was the best sex ever! When she splooged on Nutty, that actually made me hard!" Handy laughed. Toothy's jaw dropped in shock.

"You seriously didn't tell me she had a penis!" he hollered.

The room silences, and the band stares at Toothy. Handy finally muttered "Well, intersexuality is not something people take lightly."

"Then why the hell are you joking about it!" he states coldly. They all look at each other, then at Toothy.

"Not too much harm would come of it-"

"Oh, well I'll just say this! Substance abusers don't often abuse children, but there are exceptions!" He yells at Nutty " Everyone knows Bunnies are notoriously promiscuous! Why don't I phone Giggles for ya!? 'Oh, Giggles, your boyfriend and his friends just abducted and had coercive sex with a 15 year old girl!'!" Cuddles grunts and rolls up his sleeves. "Amputees are just so able to prevent his friends from this feat of pedo-thinking!" Handy stomps up to Toothy, glaring daggers at him.

"Piss off, bastard. Go to the bathroom and blow off some steam!" he demands. Elyssa walks in, pink robe on.

"I heard screaming, what happened!?" she asked. Nutty quickly rushes to her side, and kisses her on the temple.

"Nothing. Our bassist is just going to his room to think about why people shouldn't talk about coercive sex." Toothy storms by, glaring daggers at Elyssa. He flops onto the bed, spreadeagle, grunting into the comfitter. Tears crawl from his eyes.

He raises his head, and pulls his computer in front of his face. "You want worldwide fame, well shove it up your ass."

Later...

Nutty yawns, stretching as he walks out of the bus. "So where are w-" Cameras flash from nowhere, and a sea of people forms around the bus. People began screaming at him.

"Where's the rape victim!?"

"Did you snort crack or sugar off her ass?"

"Are you a pedophile?"

Nutty's eyes spread wide open in shock. "What the hell!" Lumpy and the Mole walk through the crowd, and handcuff Nutty.

"You're under arrest for sexual abuse of a minor. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you..." Lumpy presses Nutty's face against the bus, where he sees more police officers escorting Handy, Flippy, and Cuddles into the police vehicles. The only two people not taking a ride with the Polies were Elyssa, and...

"Toothy!" Nutty growls through gritted teeth.

Meanwhile, Elyssa wakes from her nap, on cold gravel. She lifts her head off the ground, glancing around. Despite only waking up seconds ago, she knew the inside of the bus was not where she was. As her vision clears, she sees where she is. A trainyard, surrounded by a large concrete wall. She tries to stand but, something catches her foot, and her face lands on a stretch of track seperated from the others. Her lips surround it, and before she gets up, the rough rubber sole of a boot presses down lightly on the back of her head.

Toothy leans over, so his mouth meets Elyssa's ear. "On the floor, bitch. Pain will be my friend." Elyssa stiffens from fear, and struggles under Toothy's weight. "Sorry, but I will feel no sympathy or guilt." He leaps up, and stamps on Elyssa's head. He continues to jump until blood has soaked the earth beneath her body.

He wipes his feet on a patch of grass, and swaggers away, with a smug grin on his face. "Goddamn skunks."

* * *

Nutty and the rest of the band trudge out from the police station to their awaiting bus. "She's chronologically 22! See, I'm no pedophile!"

The correct word would be 'paedosexual' or 'Paedoeros'. Pedophilia is a made up word." Handy corrects. Everybody gawks at Handy. "The DSM is better than porn sometimes." he mutters. Nutty ignore him and storms into the bus. "And I'm the one with problems!"

He walks in and sees Toothy reclining on the kitchen counter. "Tubbytits, wheres Elyssa?" Toothy rolls over, meeting eye to eye with Nutty.

Toothy chokes out an answer. "She was deported back to Grimmsville. It's Laichen von Zeit der Fellfisch. Very important for her to be with her parents. You know how those pagans and atheists are about the breeding of German Fur-Fish..." Nutty stares at him in disbelief.

"Seriously. If you think I believe that bull, I-" Nutty sneers.

"Furfish make people horny!" He adds. Nutty smiled.

"Oh, I've heard of that somewhere! I can't wait to see her again!" he cheers. He struts into the 'living room', and flicks on the local news. The rest of the band enters, and sit themselfes next to Nutty. "Oh yeah, Bucky, we're on 'Hello!' tommorow. Matt is a big non-heterosexual basher. If you need to, take your anger out on the couch." Toothy nods, then falls asleep, feeling the first symptoms of guilt.

* * *

The audience screams, and an orange cat walks into the spotlight, smiling and bowing. "Hello America and all the rest of the world, to 'Hello!' Now, let us introduce our guests! Today is World Culture Day, and part of every culture is a taboo or controversial subject. But we aint talking about no stupid matriarchal families or political assasinations. We're going deep into our hates, with Cannibalism, Pedophiles, and Sexual violence!" The audience gives a nervous clap. "Welcome, my dear audience, Charlene Dianne, Fritz, and the band, Homeotic Fry!" The stage lights flashed on, and in seperate comfy seats, sit Fritz, Charlene, and the members of Homeotic Fry. Matt sits himself in a chair adjacent to the others. "First on, Fritz. Is it true you have a fetish of drawing blood from your partners?"

Fritz glances around in a cold sweat. "Yes..."

"You've raped 13 girls and 7 boys!?"

"Well, it was all consented, and they died the next day because of some coincidence..."

"So you killed them?"

"No, I-"

"You're a sick faggot." Fritz growls, and crosses his arms.

"Next, Homeotic Fry! Now many songs sing about social Taboos, but these guys took it to a next level, by actually abducting and partaking in sex with a minor. So tell me, what drove you to do it?"

"Well, its the same feeling you get when you see a whore on the side of the road. You take her in and you just do it. Love is universal, no matter what age." Nutty argues.

"Will you and your pedophilic cohorts play a song?"

"Don't call us pedophiles, and maybe." The stage rolls away revealing all their instruments in their places. Every one gets into position, and the music starts. Cuddles whispers into the microphone;

_Mother says I shouldn't be,_

_I shouldn't do, _

_I shouldn't see._

_Why?_

_Why mustn't I see or do?_

_Why can't I be just like_

_YOU?_

Cuddles lets the music grow louder, and then;

Why can't I eat

a cat

or rabbits

or man?

Why I can, I can!

Why can't I love

you

or him

or her

or Them?

I can! I can!

_What is a man,_

_one of the bunch?_

_What decides sex, body _

_mind or lunch?_

Why can't I

set that on fire

steal that

feel you that way?

I can! I can!

_What is a man,_

_One of the bunch?_

_What decides sex, body,_

_mind, or lunch?_

_I don't want to be like you_

_sick like you!_

_sick like you!_

Why must I

not hit you

not love her

love you?

_What is a man_

_One of the bunch?_

_What decides sex, body,_

_mind, or lunch?_

_I don't want to be like you_

_Sick like you_

_Sick like you!_

_Touch me not_

_No more!_

_Touch me not_

_Now asleep with a knife!_

_Sick like you!_

_Sick like you!_

_Sick like you!_

_Sick like you..._

"Great preformance by Homeotic Fry! Last but certainly the least, Charlene, How many people have you eaten?" The small otter, sits up in her seat, and clears her throat.

"I've eaten atleast 40." She gloats. The audience gasps.

"So, how old are you, and what has driven you into cannibalism?"

"I'm 5 years old biologically, but I'm chronologically 10. And my doctor says Grimmsville is a plain out breeding ground for controversial people..." Nutty leaps up, "You live in Grimmsville? Do you know Elyssa!?Did you see Elyssa!? Is she safe! How horny is she!?" Charlene backs away, shrugging in her seat.

"Didn't you hear? She got rail-stomped till she died." Nutty looks up, in shock. He sat back shocked.

Matt exhales deeply. "Oookayyy, cut to commercials..." Nutty grabs Toothy, and drags him out to the back ot the studio. He glances around then pushes Toothy to the ground. He crouches down and whispers in his ear. "On the floor, Faggot. Pain is my friend. Sorry, I will feel no guilt or sympathy." Toothy moaned, at the irony. He kicks Toothy's face, and walks back in.

* * *

Nutty pushes Toothy to the ground. His mouth rests just above the curb. Handy jumps on his head, lodging the jaw in an unnatural disposition. Flippy drags Toothy across the asphalt, teeth wearing against the ground. He is propped up against a lamp post, and Cuddles shoves a cloth bag over his head. Nutty douses him in gasoline, and laughs, lighting Toothy on fire. "Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust. Two Wrongs make me right." Toothy writhes in pain, in utter pain. He falls to his knees pleading for his life. Nutty looks down on him. "Sick like you. Die." And Toothy collapses to ashes.

**Long, ranty and odd.**

**that's HTabooF 4 u.**

**I got curbstomped earlier this week. Never do it to anybody, even if you hate them.**

**I won't eat solid food for a while.**


	5. THe Father of all Mirrors

**YES! SI! JA! WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS IN FRENCH!**

**A new chapter of Happy Taboo Friends! **

**And no that other retarded one I put up, Music To Invade Poland to will be the only HTabooF I work on for a while.**

**To clear some things up before I begin this rant you call a story, for later chapters;**

**CE-399 is the magic bullet involved in JFK's assassination**

**Viennese blood is an expression for strange/disturbing sexual practices (Coming from the incest between European Royalty)**

**and Trinidadians have an accent similar to a stereoypical Canadian combined with South African(Believe me)**

Toothy awakens surrounded by crack cocaine in the bathroom. Without an explanation for his death, he decides he was high. He stands up again, stifles a cough, and rubs he sand from his eyes. He stumbles through the door to see the rest of the band gathered around the Television.

"What happened?" Toothy mutters.

"Well, while you were coming down from that high, Bill clinton's heart exploded, Haiti fell to hell, and we are no on our way to Trinadad and Tobago." Handy quips.

"Wait, I thought Trinidad and Tobago were third rate Carribean islands?" he asks bluntly.

"Well, Haiti fell, Cuba hates America, and Nutty, Flippy, and the author aren't aloud to step foot in Jamaica." Cuddles explains.

"Second question, this is a bus, and Trinidad is an Island. I though there was no bridge from the island to Venezuela." he asks.

"That's what you think, Bucky." Nutty retorts. Toothy falls over, still dizzy from whatever made him sick. The bus begins shaking violently, and the shouts of the elderly bickering could be heard. "Welcome to The Republic of Trinidad and Tobago's Port-of Spain. Where Muslims and Christians can live together until the Americans get involved!" Nutty cackles. The bus drives up to the Hasely-Crawford Stadium.

"Remember, if anyone gets injured, swimming in the Gulf of Paria is a quick form of euthanisation!" Flippy comments, as the band readies to preform. The curtains lift, and the band begins.

"You ready for Homeotic Fry, Port-of-Spain?!" Cuddles cries out to the audience.

"Yah!" they replies.

_(Spoken)_

_No matter where_

_no matter how_

_Some one will die_

_Some may perish because of you and I_

_(Music begins)_

_Her last breath _

_is spent to say;_

_Stop by my grave on your way_

_Know one knows what she means_

_Who could tell?_

_While you toil in your lonely hell._

**_Stop by my grave on your way_**

**_Is what she said_**

**_What had she meant to say_**

**_Give us Lord our daily bread _**

**_and love it even if Moldy_**

_Remaining Loyal, holding through,_

_stay a solemn man,_

_You have done what she told your to._

_On your way you pass her grave,_

_and dig for her, deep as you can._

**_Stop by my grave on your way_**

**_Is what she said_**

**_What had she meant to say_**

**_Give us Lord our Daily bread_**

**_And love it if it's moldy_**

_Her figure remains_

_Thin with curves._

_Glaring into glassy eyes,_

_You can't resist the urge._

_Love remains_

_in her Remains._

**_Stop by my grave on your way_**

**_Is what she said_**

**_What had she meant to say_**

**_Give us Lord our Daily bread _**

**_even if it's moldy._**

**_Deep and dark_**

**_In her shallow tomb_**

**_Love in Remains,_**

**_in her womb._**

_Skin, it is tearing,_

_your muscles are wearing,_

_Your bones may return to dust_

_what remains is your lust._

_You grow ever colder,_

_our love, never older,_

_This is the love,_

_This is our love!_

**_Stop by my grave on your way_**

**_Is what she said_**

**_What had she meant to say_**

**_Give us Lord our Daily bread _**

**_even if it's moldy._**

**_Deep and dark_**

**_In her shallow tomb_**

**_Love in Remains,_**

**_in her womb._**

_(Spoken)_

_Now, Give us Lord, our daily bread,_

_even if it's moldy!_

The audience cheers, and after playing their other songs, they pack up and head back to the bus. Eventually, all fall asleep.

Besides Handy that is. He tosses and turns, eyes held open, awake against his own will. Something about the salty air bothered him, besides the fact the sewage treatment plant was only a simple walk away. He got out of bed and decided to wander the streets.

Around King George V Park, near the hospital, Handy saw a pharmaceuical stand. There were two racoons behind the cheap cardboard counter. Handy rushes over to them. He entreats them to give him a sleeping pill "Hello, can I have anything that'll get me to sleep?".

"Ey ey ey! Fo'mal introductions first, eh?" scolds the orange one. He had a bleached Phillies' cap. "I'm Soledad, and my partneh he'e," - Pointing to the red racoon -" is Selwyn. And wha be you' name?"

"I'm Handy." He grumbles. Soledad and Selwyn reach out to give him a handshake, but soon realize the error in their action.

"So, lose de hands in Drug deal, o' what, eh?" Soledad asks. Selwyn elbows him.

"Stupid! Ain't you see the man's a payin's _Americ'n _customeh, eh!?" he snaps. "What do ya want?"

"What makes people fall asleep here?" Handy asks.

Soledad places his hand on his chin. "Well, Nyquil, Ritalin, Hemp,Roo'ies, Fodka, Uncle Gerard's jokes..." Both burst out laughing.

"No really, I need something!" Handy cries desperately. Selwyn hands him a bag of white powder. "Dere ya go, eh. 30 dollas, Americ'n."

Handy slides the money onto the counter, and Soledad greedily snatches it. "Danks fo ya time. Hab a nice day on Trinidad."

"That means not eating Selwyn's cooking!" Soledad jokes. Selwyn slaps him, but Soledad coninues laughing, even as Handy walks away.

Handy gets on the bus, tears open the packet with his teeth, and begins snorting as much as he could. He finally exhales, white powder raining to the floor. He instantly collapses where he is, eyes finally closed.

But his story only started there.

Handy's eyes shutter open, and he sees a dull blue glow in the dark bus. "Handy, Handy!" called Flaky's voice. He double takes, and sees a blue, miniature, floating Flaky, orange and red powder raining from her quills. "Follow me, Handy." Handy cocked his head to the side, confused. "Trust me, Handy, we're Friends with benefits." she giggles. He stands and follows her.

She flies around, excited and erratic like a wasp. He follows her with his eyes, even as the sky turned a rainbow of darkened colors. She leads his to the Hospital near where he bought the drug.

"Follow me for some food, my hungry man." she cried back to him. He followed her through the automatic doors, into the maternity ward. He glared through a glass facade, Fairy Flaky floating along side him. "You see the food?" The food she was refering to was only a hallucination. What really sat there were infants. Handy nods, tongue flopping from his mouth. "Well, get your feast!" she snickers. He smashes the glass with his helmet, and crawls over he window frame, glass cutting his stomach. He digs his teeth into the first infant he sees, disemboweling it, then disgusted with his feast of baby intestines, spits out the carcass. He moves over to the next one, repeating the grisly act until every infant has had it's guts torn from it's finding any food he looks back up at Fairy with begging eyes. She simply floats into a patient's room, where a child has just been born. He bursts in, shrieking. He licks of the baby, consuming the ambilical chord, blood, and flaps of flesh hanging from the child and woman's vagina. He glances around, seeing a blank room, with a cleaned plate. He glares at the Fairy, and she smiles once again.

"Let's find some fun!" she squeals, flying through the window, Handy following. Cringing in pain from his fall, he glances around. He spies a woman walking, but instead sees a human sex-manakin in her place, and begins drooling. He leaps upon her, ignoring her screams, and begins thrusting, laughing excitedly. His dick slaps he woman's back until finally, he cums all over her back. Handy falls backwards, and the woman flees. He stands up, and wanders around, until he reaches the beach, where the blue fairy reappears.

"Follow me to the land of milk and cookies!" she whispers in his ears softly. She floats out above the rising tide. Following mindlessly, he walks into the ocean, following until the water snaps him awake. He glances around, and sees he is neck deep in the ocean, and reaks of cocaine. He frantically swims back to shore, panting. He crawls back to the bus, finally drowsy enough to sleep. He closes his eyes, and falls asleep on the floor.

Flippy awakens Handy once more, kicking him on the ground. Handy looks up, still drowsy. "What happened last night? You smell like a crack snorting menstruating fish!" He exclaims.

"You wouldn't understand." He smiles.

**MY most disturbed story yet. **

**Review, even if you hate it.**

**'In mir ist auch das Böse gut'**


	6. Quest for TP part 1

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**IT'S BACK!**

**With more Non-epic failures, disturbing songs, and poorly thought-up plots!**

**Mer... :P**

"Now, you did it, Handy!" Flippy shouts. The Bus was bobbing up and down in the surf of the Atlantic Ocean, about 27 nautical miles from Cape Verde.

"I thought smuggling drugs _into_ Columbia wasn't illegal." Handy chirps sheepishly.

"It probably isn't, but when you smuggle a kilo of crank through Venezuela, Brazil, Ecuador, Peru, Chile, Argentina, AND Cape Verde, then it's illegal. Then leaping onstage, high, butt-naked, covered in it, and shouting the F word in Swahili and Spanish, just kicks the punishment to capitol offense." Toothy adds. "We're lucky they only thing they did was mosh-pit the bus into the Atlantic."

A Skeleton with a diaper over it's head and burns that stated 'Dead Nazi' floats by.

"Well, I think you need to rethink that statement." Cuddles retorts.

Nutty leaps up and down, laughing. Everyone turns to see a blue and orange body floating in the water. It called out, waving a hook. "Yar Yahar!"

Handy and Nutty begin rejoicing, "Over here Russell!" The Blue sea otter dives down, then resurfaces next to the bus.

"Yar, what ye be doin' this far from shore, yar?" He asks.

"You remember the band we wanted to form?" Handy begins.

"Yar, Homoerotic Fry." He says, reminiscing.

"Well, we got kicked off Cape Verde."

"Yar, tough. I got some sea-mates in Spain. That would help you out."

"So they're seamen?"

"Yar."

"SEAMEN?"

"Yar, Nutty, Don't make me tear you a new cornhole."

"So how are we getting back to land?" Handy asks.

Russell smiles, beckoning the band into the water.

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Blood dripped from her mouth, puddling at the bottom of the wall, where it and the floor intersected.

Nutty walked in with Ketamine in a bottle filled with wet sugar. "Shit."

"Nutty, _Como se dice..._Accident?" Handy asks, looking down at his bloody feet.

"Racist. Not all squirrels know Spanish. I suppose you know German." Nutty spits.

"_Onkelficker_." Handy mutters. "Nutty, help me hide this body. I don't have hands!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE HANDS?" Nutty shouts.

"I DON'T HAVE HANDS? WOW! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT-"

Flippy walks in upon the scene holding a glass of Irish Tea. "Guys, I think you should take your little Shout fetish inside. Spaniards still hate Gays-HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A HYRAX!" He shouts, pointing at the corpse hanging on Handy's bedroom wall.

"I guess when you said 'I have a Model hanging on my wall' it wasn't in the way I thought." Flippy utters, still in shock.

"Yeah...Just help us dump it in the Tagus."

"Why the Tagus?" Flippy asks.

"'Coz nobody will care about a couple thousand Blackbirds in Arkansas dying." Handy barks.

"What?" Nutty and Flippy let roll from their lips.

"DUMP THE BODY!" Handy shouts.

"All Pipes lead to the Tagus, and the to the ocean. It's like a cycle: Drink Beer, Piss Urine, Refine Urine, Drink Refined-Urine Beer." Flippy explains.

"To the Toilet!" They shout unanimously.

They grab the body, and hoist it above their heads. Flippy pulls open the Bathroom door. Cuddles was nude, with a cape draped over his right shoulder, with an embarassingly small dick in his hand, singing off key.

"CHUBBY CHECKERS, PSYCHO, BELGINAS IN THE CONGO!"

Flippy Closes the door. "Wrong Door." he says solemnly.

"JFK BLOWN AWAY WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY?"

And so began a quest for a New Toilet.

**Well, This chapter was disturbing like the Baby eating one.**

**I tried to emulate Sandmann's fics in this chapter.**

**I must admit, I am revoking the Hiatus, for I suddenly am hit with new inspiration. But, expect less comics.**

**FLAME AWAY, PHOENIX!**


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